I have decided to Guai La (Its without the 'n' because I am forbidden by the demerit point system to Guai Lan a very respected teacher to the fullest extend) Miss Chan coz she's a cool teacher.
And today, she mentioned sth in class today which, unfortunately, gave me a chance to "Guai La" her. Thats what she said to Xing Kai. Miss Chan:" Xing Kai!! Don't sleep on the pillow. The pen is mightier than the pillow."
Then, I thought of the following points.
1) The pen is mightier than the pillow.(I put my chin in my hand and makes a sad face)
2)But I am mightier than the pen and the pillow,since I can control them.
3)However, Miss Chan is mightier than I am because she can control Xing Kai to control his brains to control his head which do not include the brains to NOT lie on the pillow.
4)Unfortunately, in terms of strength, I am mightier than Miss Chan.
5)And my mum is mightier than me.
6)So my father is mightier than my mum.
7)But now, the pillow should be mightier than my father since he don't use the pen.
8)He uses the pencil.
9)Therefore, the pillow should be mightier than the pen and not the other way around.
10)Then, the pen and the pillow would be mightier than me.
11)AND I WILL BE MIGHTIER THAN MISS CHAN.
12)Then, unfortunately, Miss Chan will be mightier than me in terms of strength.
13)And I am mightier than my mum.
14)So my mum is mightier than my father.
15)But now, again, my father should be mightier than the pillow since he don't use the pillow.
16)He uses the bolster.
17)Thus, the pen must be mightier than the pillow and not the other way......
The cheers of the crowd and the blasting voice of commentator filled the gigantic stadium. Soccer players were warming themselves up for the intense sports. I was the goalkeeper representing the Young Lions of S. League. I was sure that my team will win, since the legendary player, Eto'o and Scholes, had transferred to my team last week. "Boom, Boom, Boom" The familiar sound of drums gave a boost in our morale. My mother, grandmother, grandfather and my dead Auntie even came to support me, David James.
The referee suddenly came to the half court line and started to dance. It was then that I realized it was that gay referee that I loved most! He often does stupid things and act as if he was a woman. He went up to me and hypnotized me. Soon, i was in deep sleep. The referee suddenly came to the half court line and started to dance. It was then that I realized it was that gay referee that I loved most! He often does stupid things and act as if he was a woman. He went up to me and hypnotized me. Soon, i was in deep sleep.
Soon after, I woke up. "Beep!" I was lucky that I was able to wake up just in time to play the match. I saw my opponent with a screwed-up face, Park Ji Sung, in possession of the ball and running towards me. He did a high lob shot and I dodged, thinking it was a cannonball which I was dreaming about just now. Before I had a chance to come back to my senses, the crowd roared. Holding my breath, I looked behind. A ball was nestled comfortably in the bottom of the goal-net. I heard the commentator, who happened to be my son, says, "Park Ji Sung has just scored the fastest goal in history so far in the 99 years of records! He has a fast foot indeed, scoring just 6 seconds afetr kick-off!" I was sweating-my team mates were swearing at me.
I then realized that I was not in a dream. I perked up and focused my energy. I was so angry at Park Ji Sung(Park Tie Haa's son) that the adrenaline produced forced me to dribble the ball in the opponent's net. I ran and ignored my team mate's call and I fell and the ball hit my balls. I forced myself to stand up and saw the opponents' goalkeeper, Buffon, laughing till he died. I took the opportunity to and used my head to roll the ball into the net. It was then I saw the scoreboard as 2-0! Suddenly, time froze. Everybody was standing in their previous position and they were not moving. the referee and I was the only persons who could move.
I freaked out. The referee told me that he was an immortal and he was capable of making the opponent's goals as mine. That explained the phenomenon of the scoreboard showing a score of 2-0 instead of 1-1. My team was winning! As a gift from me, I gave him 1 US dollar and then he unfroze the time. I allowed the opponent's tem to score as much goal as they like and ignored my team mates' angry shouts and curses. They did not know about the secret between me and the referee, and we longed for the match to end too see their surprised faces. My coach and manager, Faggotson, was so angry with me that he pointed obscene gestures and forces me to be substituted with Ballack as goalkeeper. Then, the referee helped me. I saw him freezing time and gave Faggotson 5 punches and a 540 roundhouse flying kick in the face. He then goes back into his previous position and unfroze time again so that no one would wonder why a man could suddenly disappear and appear again.
I saw Faggotson lying dead with blood mixed with lotus bun he had been eating just now. When everybody was panicking, 90 minutes was up. I looked at the scoreboard and it was 22-0! My team mates looked at it in both amazement and excitement. Suddenly, my team mates carried me high up in the air as if they had forgotten what happened at the match. What confused me is that all my opponents did not even mutter a word but had their heads hung low instead.
The next day, I saw myself on the telecast of the match on my newly bought plasma TV from Courts., and what I saw made me puke exactly one litre blood. All of the 22 goals was scored by me, a goalkeeper, and my skills were better thn Ronaldinho plus Cristiano and all the soccer players multiplied by 60million. I got pass 10 opponents without even one accidental blunder and very one of the 22 goals I scored was spectacular and unbelievable. One of the less exciting goals was a high-flip-flap-step-over-sealing dribble goal. That was impossible for any legendary players or aliens to do. I started to feel guilty about the mistake and pondered over how such crazy things can happen to me.
The following week, I cannot bear my own guilt any longer and I resolved to tell this to the media.
Just two days afetr I revealed the truth, the referee came to my house and killed me.
Such is life, after being killed my a time-stopping gay. Anyway.....*gasp*...before I die*gasp*, I must *gasping* tell you the website where you can *GASPING* find all my inc...redible g...o...a...ls....., www......S87y39nr3yuji.youtubewatch...*Gaspi...*...there-is actually-no-such-website.com.haha.sg*Gone*~~~
If you are desperately looking for a housewife or especially a part time job to earn some money, writing a resume is very important. So, I am going to teach you HOW to NOT write one.
For example:
Objectives: Exceptionally assiduous, aspiration-oriented, unfeasibly accomplished honourable servant and vastly persistent instinct to execute constant perserverance without excessive use of thesaurus, although this fastidious species has been wiped out millions of years ago.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern.......
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I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
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I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
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I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
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I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
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I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
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I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
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I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
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I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.
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I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
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I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
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I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
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Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
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I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
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I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
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Now to Return the Favor:
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. So you'd better get going on that e-mail!!!
P SLE: Amy, Bob and Charlie share 28 buns altogether in the ratio of 2:1:4 respectively. How many buns did Amy receive?
'O' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Amy picks two buns from her box at random. Find the probability that the two buns are of the same flavour.
'A' Level:Amy's kidneys clearance have a BUN value of 10mg/mmol and Bob's cholesterol have a mass of 60 mg, which is 3 times the value of Amy's kidney clearantine value. Calculate her Urea molecular weight in dl/Urea and mg/dl BUN. (Assume Amy has an age of between 15 to 20)
'B' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Furthermore, Amy will tie her hair into a bun if Bob either took 5 red buns from the box consecutively or 1 coconut bun from the box. However, if Amy tie her hair into a bun, Charlie will HAVE to take a blueberry bun from the box. Out of the 2 coconut buns, one of them contain a preservative which allows the bread to be kept at room temperature for six days. The other breads are not preserved and therefore, spoils in just 1 day. Every 3 days a week, Bob will have to work 6 hours a day, and 3 hours after buying the bread, he will either take 2 coconut buns or 1 red bean bun. The probability that he will forget to eat the buns is 1 out of every 3 days he works. Everytime he forgets to eat the bun, his colleague will steal one of the 3 buns. (a) What is the probability of Amy having food poisoning, after eating Bob's colleague's stolen bread? (b) What is the probability of Amy tying her hair into a bun when Bob goes to work?
